his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
