he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
