Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
