I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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