we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just invented taco cereal.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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