did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
