This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
