just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
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Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
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Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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