You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
