update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
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Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
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I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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