Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
its not stalking. its research.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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