im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
