come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
