No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
