Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize