I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
