I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
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If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
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Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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