Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
