So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
