I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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