Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
