his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
