Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
