I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
