Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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