Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
