Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Randomize
