Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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