I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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