I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
