I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize