I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
