I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
