is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
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It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
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Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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