the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
