the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Do vagina's smell?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
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I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
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Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I have already put on my inside pants.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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