i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
