Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
