ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?