You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?