He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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