Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
