the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
