no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
