I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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