I wish I only lived at night.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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