He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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