Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
