Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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