My liver just broke up with me...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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