She said her name was "party"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
