i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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