someone threw a dead crab at me
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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