mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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