Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
