I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
