he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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