my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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