Swine flu is the new snow day.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
