four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
