Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
