Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
